I’m stuck. Here. Physically. Mentally. I try to leave to make plans to ‘get myself out there’ and what happens? I’m pulled right back in. I write here when I feel the need to, but right now my need is greater than this blog.
The following post is about a personal issue. It is a long post, an unedited thought-stream from my mind as of 10/1/16. I’ve been keeping all this in for far too long, and now as I can read it back here, I can let go of keeping it all inside. I make no apology for any of the following.
Where to even start with this one? Yet again it’s been a long time since I’ve had a moment to sit and write anything down outside of my personal notes. There has been a lot of things going on with me lately. So much so that even choosing a starting point becomes a challenge.
I guess I can go ahead and post this now, this was my experiences and feelings from a very wet day back in July of this year. I’ve changed some details and specifics in the story below as I have signed an NDA, other than those details this remains unchanged from the 24th July 2015.
Time heals all wounds. – Does it? Really? It’s time my friends for me to load up this website and add an entry. It’s been almost a month which by my standards is not a very long time. However I feel the need to write again and it’s not going to be a post that makes a lot of sense. There is a lot to catch up on so let’s dive in.
A heart that’s full up like a landfill… Where does it change? When should the change be expected? What has to fall in place in order for it to happen? Life lately has been incredibly testing, and it seems no amount of luck, time or effort is getting the job done. So I find myself questioning and requesting (just for a while) that Life can pause itself. Things need to stop turning in order for me to climb back on top…
In July of 2011, two friends and I were involved in a car accident. Nobody else was involved, unless you count some rain, some diesel, a fence, angry sheep and a straight road. Yes it was me, I very slowly lost control and crashed through a farmers field. There was nobody else about. Just me, my car, my two friends and a field with some nasty rocks, sheep and what we would later discover to be quite a ridge.
Wake up, don’t feel good but force myself in. In to the unknown as changes come today. Waiting. Waiting. Sudden change and into something new. Mixed feelings. Thrown in to the deep end of the shallow pool. Somehow still standing.
The true genius shudders at incompleteness – and usually prefers silence to saying something which is not everything it should be. Edgar Allan Poe I’ve found myself reading a little more these past few days. I guess reading about reading at least. I’ve always tried to write myself and although I can and have, what I struggle with is natural sounding dialogue. Which can be a bit of a problem. So I’ve been studying a little on how some of…
Do you ever find yourself asking the question “What am I doing here?” – It could be in relation to where you live, your job, what’s happening in your life, a relationship perhaps, whatever it is, you must have asked yourself once “What am I doing here, what is my purpose?”.
and I have heard it’s call, so I have to go and try at the very least, and work it all out from there. EDIT: I tried and I succeeded against all expectations. It would feel good except it matters to me what my friends think. This is the time I should be relaxed, enjoying the good feelings that come from going somewhere with a plan, and being successful.
We move on. We grow. We get better. While this is true I know I for one am a firm believer that part of us doesn’t. Depending upon what it is we are attempting to move on from, part of ourselves, our souls and minds are left behind at that place. How we separate ourselves from that piece of ourselves is how we learn to grow and to move on.
Ok so it’s a song title by the Chemical Brothers and probably a lot more, but it’s other meaning is what inspired the need to post here today. As previously said I only post here when I feel I need to. This morning, I am feeling that need. Sometimes you think you know where you are exactly, and then you get blind-sided by some idle thought at 4pm on a Tuesday afternoon. That happened too.
At the moment there is (again) too much going on, and many more things to be started. Time is at a premium again in my life, and something has to give. What will it be? Something has to be let go of. I’m going to go to sleep now, when tiredness comes over, I just have to give in to it. Something has to give.
Two weeks in and I my body is screwed! Should have some content here soon, yes real actual content! So you know, keep reading. And waiting.
You know the expression “Can’t please everyone”? Well really can one actually please another? Let alone many. I don’t think they can, it doesn’t seem to be possible. Against overwhelming opposition, I am remaining positive somehow. But shields are low it has to be said. I’ve tried everything to not be brought down and captured by the slippage of others. As much as rising above would be ideal, frankly that takes just about as much energy as ignoring does too.
In the past my emotions have been labelled by others as being ‘overly emotional’ or ‘over sensitive’. I disagree. I am a highly sensitive person, I am not afraid of any backlash in admitting that, personally I don’t see a problem with it. So many people walk around this Earth apathetic to humanity and each other. I just can’t be that way. Perhaps sometimes I should reserve myself and be that way, but you know, it’s just not me.
I recently watched ‘The Secret Life of Walter Mitty’ – (yes just a few years later). It did not disappoint one little bit. Ok, hollywoodised in many places but the story was there, and how it was shot was amazingly creative. This enters the list. The list of films that I can closely relate to, are incredibly carefully put together and are the kind of film you can tell that love and care went into every single aspect.
A true friendship doesn’t need daily conversation. It does not assume the worst, even when communication is lacking. Strong friendships survive the storms of this life because they believe the best about each other. As long as the friendship lives in the heart, true friends will never part.
It’s time to start writing again. Too many times I have in the past year censored myself from publishing due to one thing or another and it has gotten to the point of having a ton of content ready to go, nowhere to put it and so it’s simply deleted. Not any more.