So it was the very beginning of January 2025 that I posted my ‘year in review’ for 2024, and it ended on a heavy but not all that sad cliff-hanger. Continuing on, January came and went for the most part. Both of ‘us’ here in January lost a friend to the other side so it was in part a sad month. There was a time when we were going to funerals almost weekly. I feel such empathy for those friends who have been lost. It takes me back to sad times myself with memories of Mum coming to the front of my mind again. They are never gone, but sometimes they are packed away further from the surface. I can remember January also being somewhat snowy and icy, that caused it’s own issues for our mobility or lack of it.
There was good news also with new beginnings of life for more of my friends, welcoming new arrivals into their lives, and good for them, I couldn’t be happier for them, it was nice to have some good news amongst all the doom and gloom of January. My brain was – I have to say – firing at all different directions as there are some who believe in the.. one dies one is born philosophy… I don’t know, these days, where I stand on that one, but it is a somewhat comforting thought at the very least.
But as if by some sort of predetermined destiny, January, the month of giving of good and bad was not done with us yet. On the 30th I found myself visiting the new A&E department with a certain someone, who had had a fall outside. The one in question had fallen, but backwards somehow and hit their head on the pavement. A huge lump formed and instead of coming home and just telling me the truth, the web of lies again began. Checked out at the hospital, which really is.. no improvement over the last one, obs & CT scanned and sent home into the care of people there. Extremely lucky though even now, some three months later, the effects are still coming to the front and letting themselves in.
Fear might be the death of me, fear leads to anxiety.. don’t know what’s inside of me – Twenty One Pilots
February.. the month of the, I guess I can say it now, Tribunal. It was held on the 3rd of February in offices in the city centre, I attended of course with my representative alongside me. It was honestly a horrific experience to go through which I would not wish on anyone. I think I’d honestly rather have surgery than go through that again. But it happened and after sitting being asked questions by a Judge, a Doctor and a Disability Expert, they decided in my favor, my appeal would stand and I would be re-awarded with PIP. I got the Standard award but this time with the Mobility element too (also Standard), but they awarded me it from when it was taken away in 2024. It should have never been taken away at all. So they reversed the decision of the DWP decision maker. The DWP by the way, didn’t bother sending a representative to the tribunal. This decision of theirs didn’t seem to please the panel at the time. I am so glad that I can say at this point.. It’s over… for three years at least. There are things now that I can apply for that I have been waiting such a long time to do so. The war isn’t over, but this battle is won.
I couldn’t have done it without the support that came from two individuals who know who they are. When faced with a decision to make, to stand and fight or lay down and surrender, these two people picked me up and supported me without question or prejudice, guided me through the long and arduous task of gathering evidence, writing statements and equipping myself with what I could in terms of guidance of the way forward and how to prepare for what I knew would be a hell of a fight, even against the backdrop of hopelessness. I really am eternally grateful for this assistance and all the help that has been given to me.
It was a few weeks later that I would find out the true extent of the ruling of the tribunal panel. I was awarded what I should have received over the months since PIP was removed from me in April of 2024. This felt like justice of some sort was actually delivered and indeed helped me to get myself back towards the stable ground that I have struggled to reach for a year.
February however would have one more gift to give.. A certain somebody, who had had a fall in January.. took another tumble in February. Not content with sending blood pressures to an all time high in the first month of the year, had to have an effect on the second month too. – Funnily enough, earlier in the month, after a strained period of time following the first fall, the talk of ‘trust’ had reared its head… Funny that, when the first thought of the person involved was to ‘not to tell the truth’ (which in my book means telling a lie), to the people that they are wanting this trust from… It took about a week to get the whole story from this person this time. This did nothing to rebuild that trust whatsoever. – From there has ensued, as I am sure you can imagine throughout the rest of February and into March, appointment after appointment, that’s not for anyone elses benefit other than their own, to try to investigate and get to the bottom of what has been happening, or could be happening to have caused either or both of these.. fights with gravity.
March… For a while now I have been watching in.. in many ways.. distraught disappointment as they have been demolishing what was the Royal Liverpool University Hospital in the city centre. It’s been a building with which I have had a relationship with over the years… The bad memories of illness and death, the highs of discovering interests, of getting to work with the staff of for a period of time and of being admitted to myself to spend a wonderful Christmas period within as a shit doctor missed an alternative presentation of Pneumonia… and of course the building that.. took Mum away some five years ago this year. – It’s been somewhat painful to watch this progress of the demolition of the building. I mean it’s a building, it’s not alive and it doesn’t have feelings, but I am alive and I have feelings, and it has been a feeling of sadness that the room where Mum took her last few breaths has now been torn down to literal rubble. – It’s been an emotional time. It’s almost like the dust and spirit of that room, that experience, has been disturbed and when the dust shifted, it’s brought back all kinds of different memories that I thought were locked safely away.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana – Groucho Marx
Additionally the month of March gave me the absolute pleasure of accidentally killing my PC. I was cleaning it – of all the things, would you believe… and it seems like I bent some pins in the CPU socket. Then when trying to.. fix it, I screwed on the cooler and broke them some more. – Fantastic. Really great time to go causing damage to a system I had just finished telling myself I was happy with… Fuck.
March through into April, has been a period of finding out more about what being back on PIP is like… Following the announcements made by the Government, the Labour Government, following the 3rd of February and my ‘win’, to take aim at their next target demographic – following the Pensioner attack being the first thing out of the gate.. Disabled people. Cutting back on the benefits payments being made to those of us who are classed as Disabled. Guess what folks, yep, that includes me. – But the way this Government like to do things is to half-assedly announce policy changes. They go for the headlines, then let that fester for a bit, before delivering and going for the jugular. So as of now, coming towards the end of April, we still don’t really know what these cuts and changes are going to look like. But there has been some downright stupid comments made by Government ministers over these past few weeks.
Trump on the other side of the pond hasn’t helped either with his stupid tariffs and dragging of feet on a US-UK trade deal. – Yes I get it’s not all him, but what exactly has Kier done to help the situation? Reactionary Governance. Where has our leadership gone? Anyway, not getting into politics here and now, that’s another topic for another time.
The new world order that is emerging is a fucking scary one. It’s not one I’d want to be bringing children up in to and I am glad in many ways that that has not been written in to my lifetime as of yet.. But it really is the companionship that I miss the most. It’s scary enough managing my own executive dysfunction and getting myself through the days, from the not wanting to get out of bed to the complete juxtaposition of the differences and situations that exist just five minutes down the road. – As I am now typing this, Skylar the cat has just come and sat on my chest – I am sitting up at the desk. She is sitting now, well laying over my arms as I type. Having her in my life has made such a difference. I should have insisted that we go and get a cat years ago, but then, if we had, we wouldn’t have had her.
It’s almost as if I haven’t learnt my lessons but.. I’ve been having something to look forward to these past few weeks. The new season of Formula Vee. It feels totally different when there is someone you know, you can support in these races and we are just about to embark on the second season of racing. Number 36 (I think it’s the same number this year anyway), is rebuilt and almost ready to go. The first weekend is this weekend, up at Croft in Darlington. Ill be in attendance.. well that is the plan and I intend on doing everything I can to make that happen. I also hope to pick up a camera for this weekend too. I don’t want to say too much right now, but if things go to plan (haha), I might have something new to upload soon.
