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Author: KTH

That’s a wrap!

That’s a wrap!

Nine posts.. is all I made here in 2017. Where exactly did the year go? I can recall spending a fair part of the year in hospital waiting rooms for both myself and others, and of course it should be common knowledge that I worked only up until my operation on the 18th March. I’ve spent the rest of the year not working at all. (Which some of you may think is the dream) but I can assure you first…

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Monday… aka Shitday

Monday… aka Shitday

Well that was one hell of a shitty day. At the start of today I thought that all of my writing and updating yesterday was a big waste of time. I woke up with aspirations to get long-term things a little more sorted, like seeing where I stand with finances to do with no-longer receiving SSP and finally sorting out some stuff that has been piling up for weeks. Its a bit of a busy week with hospital appointments between…

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Stuck (again)

Stuck (again)

We gotta talk health. Regretless decision, failing health and… Depression. It’s been a tumultuous couple of years for me, my health and general progress / wellbeing. Let’s go back to say… February 2015.. Bare with me. Up until February 2015 I was employed full time in a job just before Manchester where I would work more than 40 hours per week over five days, sometimes more, not always being paid for all of the hours I worked. But it was a…

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What If?

What If?

What If? – That fucking question has followed me around since a brainstorming session in a 3rd Year Media Technology module seminar. It was decided by unimaginative people to be the ‘theme’ of an Exhibition & Performance module to tell a 10 minute story through film and other media formats. The damn question has stuck to me like an obsession ever-since. I have always found myself considering the path not taken. Two roads diverged in a wood and I –…

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#fuckdepression

#fuckdepression

It was a Sunday night in my spiritual hometown of London where a then-friend and I attended a gig of a group we both shared an interest for. The group was Linkin Park and the venue was Wembley Arena. It was a special night as vast as the venue the gig felt intimate and we had somehow found ourselves at or near the front. It was great to see these guys play and be that close. It was to be…

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Clearing the Backlog

Clearing the Backlog

Once again it has been far too long since I have been here. There are many reasons for this, not least being is that I struggle to be able to write right now. There is a lot to be said, but without any blood going into it, I really struggle to see the point. I write for myself, for my own record of things past, and while the notes pile up offline, I have no more than a passing desire…

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Heartbroken.

Heartbroken.

Sometimes solutions arn’t so simple, sometimes goodbye’s the only way. — Linkin Park [ms_label background_color=”#70d628″ ]HAN: Heartbroken[/ms_label] #RIPChester Your light lit up the darkest of places and the darkest of spaces within my life. I am completely heartbroken for your family, your friends and bandmates and your fans. Finally for you. You were such a kind and caring man and sadly this proves (to me) than depression is never something someone completely overcomes. It is not curable. Sometimes it can…

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When Breath Becomes Air

When Breath Becomes Air

Sorry, two Cancer related posts in a row, and just days after one another. Till I have somewhere else for this to go, it goes here. In March 2017 I underwent a small operation on my left knee to fix a problem in my left foot. Recovery left me bed-bound for a couple of weeks. During that time I read a lot. One of the books I read was “When Breath Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanithi. This is a true story….

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Cancer Is A Killer

Cancer Is A Killer

Cancer is a Killer. Fairly obvious statement there. Of course it is a killer, there is no known cure. But as bad as it is, it doesn’t just kill it’s host, it kills hopes and dreams, plans and activities. It kills the very fabric of hope, thoughts, feelings. It kills time. It removes any open opportunity and will always be sitting there waiting to strike with a new issue to solve or problem to sort. Cancer is a killer, and…

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3 Months

3 Months

What a day is has been. It feels like its been one long day from the last post here to this one. On the surface nothing has changed, however as is often the case, it is below the surface that major changes have occurred. There is too much to cover here in a single post and I really cannot go back now. I’ll cover it all elsewhere. If you want to see it you’ll find a way too find it….

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Work.

Work.

Nothing will work unless you do. — Maya Angelou [ms_label background_color=”#70d628″ ]HAN: Hopeful yet Reflective[/ms_label] Nothing comes easy. Would we feel any benefit if it did? Would we feel it was ‘work’? Should things be easy? Should things be easier or do we need the challenge to keep reaching for our goals? Are our goals simply unrealistic and out of reach? Do we ever really know the answer to this question?      

HAN.

HAN.

You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write. – Saul Bellow HAN –  A Korean word that has no literal English translation except to say that it is a State of Soul; It’s sorrow, regret, grief, resentment, a dull ache of the soul. Yet Han is a passive state; not seeking revenge but instead waiting patiently and hoping that the injustice will be righted.

Hope is overrated

Hope is overrated

It’s November. First of all how did that happen? As always so much has happened over the previous months that I’ve not posted for. There is a reason (isn’t there always). There are some things happening to me and my family now that are simply too painful to talk about, or type about. I will do, at some point I will share these details. Probably not here but I will do. I don’t know when that will be. Every time I…

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Going Back to Move On

Going Back to Move On

To my poor unloved blog, It has been so long since I have shown you love and posted to you but now I am back again. I want to go back in time a little with this post and cover in detail the last 4-5 months of my life. I know I have touched on things from this period in previous posts but I was then unable to go into any detail whatsoever. So here we go. We start back…

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Liverpool Floods

Liverpool Floods

Where to start? – So many of my posts here start with those three words. That’s only because it’s usually so long between posts here that I can throw any kind of ‘regular’ label out of the window.

May

May

Well I’ve been posting here once a month for a while it seems. This isn’t intentional, it’s just what seems to be happening at the moment.

Becoming as clear as blackness

Becoming as clear as blackness

So much to say that there is not enough time to say it. Things did get difficult from the 14th February for many many reasons. Here we are, almost a month later and I am still here. Somehow. I am still here.