Becoming as clear as blackness

So much to say that there is not enough time to say it. Things did get difficult from the 14th February for many many reasons. Here we are, almost a month later and I am still here. Somehow. I am still here. There are thankfully opportunities ahead, but with a record like mine, one has to wonder what my chances of success actually are. There is the thought that doing something over and over will eventually turn into a result. But there’s no law or rule to enforce that belief, and after a while you start to want to remove the blinkers and see the bigger picture.

In seven days now it will be too lake, that is the cold hard fact. Its become too late to be effective now in the short term, so things will get worse before they get better, and still there is zero guarantee of success. In terms of employment, it seems somehow just that I am able to secure contracts that guarantee zero hours of work per week. Yes that’s really useful. Oh and the kind of recruitment that doesn’t require you doing an interview, for example where there are multiple positions or posts available. – Don’t get me wrong I am grateful for every opportunity, I am hard working (or hard work for some) and I will try to make whatever I have work. But it does come easier for some than others.

After this week, which was very busy and very little to show for it, yesterday I felt done. Today I guess I am a little more positive because the long and short of it is that its painful to even think about how things are. So, you know, why bother? This forthcoming week features three days out performing.. So come what may.. Very little I imagine.