Once again it has been far too long since I have been here. There are many reasons for this, not least being is that I struggle to be able to write right now. There is a lot to be said, but without any blood going into it, I really struggle to see the point. I write for myself, for my own record of things past, and while the notes pile up offline, I have no more than a passing desire to get to actually write. It is the same general story with general creativity of other forms too. Even music I have fallen out of love with lately. Since July I have found it hard to listen to most music period. When I do, I don’t really enjoy it at the moment. There is no blood going to it either.
Now lets see.. May was the last time I posted… Many things have changed since May and yet for all of them I have very little progression to actually show. I had a holiday. A week away with the family in Devon. A lot of driving and a… different week I guess. I enjoyed most of it, I have to say. July.. The shock news of the death of Chester Bennington really affected me in many ways, still does if I am completely honest. There is a lot to be said there and I will at some point get it out. Mum’s health has been progressing daily. There has been a lot of recovery over the past few months, and generally through it all we have noticed an improvement in the quality of care received. It is amazing what a strongly worded complaint can do. There is a lot of praise for Doctors and Specialists and its true while some of it is deserved, most of it is simply a lie. But there have been some changes for the better and Mum’s condition has improved (largely down to slightly increased medication and better management of the medication), but any step towards having her be pain free or pain ‘managed’ is good when you consider what she is fighting and most importantly it has been 11+1 so far.
Where are we now… September… Not much.. October… Still off work, still unfit for work. Financially in the shithouse yet again, general mood is low most of the time and the depression has well and truly found a way to wrap its darkness around me once more.