Time heals all wounds. – Does it? Really?
It’s time my friends for me to load up this website and add an entry. It’s been almost a month which by my standards is not a very long time. However I feel the need to write again and it’s not going to be a post that makes a lot of sense. There is a lot to catch up on so let’s dive in.
Uncertainty is the flavour of the month particularly with work in mind, both my day job and my work on my own business. Day job takes all the time and energy and the business suffers. Completely the wrong way around, but that’s life as people close to me say when they feel I am moaning just a little bit too much. To borrow the title of an older but well known tv series episode ‘The End’s Not Near, It’s Here’… I believe shortly I will be yet again out of employment. It was a shock today even though it’s been coming for a while. It was surprisingly not so bad while it was happening. Certainly by the end of this working week, I expect it to be over, therefore I have either prepared myself mentally in advance this time or my thoughts are still elsewhere and the overhead bricks are still awaiting me.
Funny I didn’t want to lead with that in this raft of updates as that somewhat sets the tone for this post. While effectively losing my job is a big deal, the knock on effects it has are far bigger, not least this time of year in the run to Christmas, with still Birthdays and indeed a Wedding to occupy my wallet. There is the somewhat deeper two-fold worry; a) what the hell am I going to do about getting to the Future on (as in prepare for) the 27th January? And b) again I find myself standing on the edge of the spiral, or on the ledge looking down into that hole of yet again being ‘that guy’ at Christmas who’s name goes on other people’s gifts…. Like anyone actually believes it, or you know it actually does make ME feel better. Honestly now though I am sure that’s simply taken for granted and nothing is expected, funnily enough, that doesn’t make me feel any better too.
But generally on the whole I think I am realistic about the situation. I need to work things out financially before I say or plan anything more on that topic. I’d prefer to be working up to and over / past Christmas, but I think I am also realistic about the fact that usually companies have done their recruitment for the holiday period by now, add to the fact I am not a young teenager looking for their first job over the holidays. – What I am saying is I’ll do everything I can to ensure I am working, of course I will, but realisticly I don’t see where it’s going to come from this side of Christmas.
Moooooooving on from Employment and the lack of it, self-worth tanking, depression winds a-bounding and discuss family life for a moment. I think it’s a sad moment when you discover that the singular family member who you’d go to when there is nothing else left and you are at a point in need of empathy and support – is capable of becoming a petty apathetic person. “Me: You’re quiet tonight”, “Them: Nothing to say”, “Me: About what?”, “Them: About anything”, “Me: oh”. I won’t go any further except to say that my friends who I know are always there for me and supportive are really the people I would be desolate without.
(except at this moment in time, I don’t feel I can share my true thoughts, worries or feelings as frankly I am embarrassed to be in the position at 33 yet again), so I have to go on sailing on alone. ‘God doesn’t give you any more than you can handle’ – God really doesn’t know my limits any-more.
Which brings me to the atrocities we witnessed in Paris on Friday 13th November 2015 and indeed prior to that with the plane bombing and after with the attempts made in Germany and continuing situation in France. What words are there to say? To watch the news reports of that situation unfold obviously brought back strong emotions for me personally from 7/7 and 21/7 for which I experienced close up, but more so the fact that on that very night I had friends over in Paris. Trying to obtain information and confirmation of news at those times is something that does need to be improved. We live in a world at this time where this kind of world market event occurs. Quite frequently, so it is worrying that the technology we come to rely upon in our daily lives can still become overwhelmed and fail at the times when it is needed the most. In the end Social Media and the quick thinking of the larger world corporations helped to bring people together faster.
Thankfully in my personal case, my friends where accounted for and confirmed as safe following the attacks. But the thought of what might have been and what is the case for those who have lost friends and family in such a terrible way as was witnessed last week is a haunting thought. The sad reality is that safety in different countries is not at all a given in these modern times as perhaps it once was. I am not a stupid person, I believe I understand how the world realisticly seems to work these days, some time, some place there is terrorism happening and it’s not all reported which is wrong. What is important to grasp however is that wherever an act of terrorism is committed, if its picked up by global media or not, we should all be standing together representing the war against terrorists, united in our resolve to end it.
In order to battle this onslaught of terror we need to stop and think ‘is what we are doing, or not doing the right way to go about stamping out this fear?’ We need to be clever than the medieval move by move, one by one tactic we as a people seem to have adopted. The rules of engagement have changed, we cannot beat terrorism by making the same proportional plays we have to play with more intelligence to cut off the head of this monster. This threat to our freedom that takes away inch by inch our innocence if we choose to let it. More and more we are desensitised, at some point surely we have to stand up and say stop. I am not going to stand for this any-more. I want to make a change. We allowed this to happen, on our watch we allowed and funded terrorism, directly, indirectly I don’t care, it was on our watch that we now recognise these factories of fear. Defiantly in the face of conformity we have to make change happen.