Nine posts.. is all I made here in 2017. Where exactly did the year go? I can recall spending a fair part of the year in hospital waiting rooms for both myself and others, and of course it should be common knowledge that I worked only up until my operation on the 18th March. I’ve spent the rest of the year not working at all. (Which some of you may think is the dream) but I can assure you first hand, it is not. Nor should it be. I am hopeful now and happy to have a focus of a goal to aim for. I intend to return to my job in early January 2018.
I still have an injury, more of a condition now as I am for the time being forced into living with it. It seems that the operation which was intended to aid the reduction of pain has not worked in the way in which it should have done. You must be sick of reading about it, I am fed up of talking about it at this stage. The truth however is I do not know how I will be able to get on with my work duties as I once did. I don’t know if I will be one of the people for which this condition is permanent. That depends upon pain, my pain tolorance and simply put, how much I can take.
I don’t have much more to say at the moment. (I mean I do, I really really do, but as I am attempting to wrap up for the year, there are things that will still be with me more than two hours from now, and the year 2017 will not. So they will keep). I will simply publish the posts as they were written, when they were written and consider the decks clear for 2017. They follow below.
Regrets and Disapointments (Written 5th November 2017)
I fully believe that Regrets and Disappointments are a by-product of Depression. They are both what causes depression to flair up and are caused by depression too. Some people are able to go about life believing that they have no regrets, and to those I congratulate. To be so self assured must be… magical. But that isn’t me. My regrets hang off me like a winter coat.
The worst part for me is that I believe I know what I have to do to reduce the amount of regrets I carry, but actually doing that seems so far out of reach right now. Disappointments.. are to me kind of the same thing as regrets, but I don’t know, they carry less weight and you are more able to get over them quicker. Regrets hang around for years.
Right now as I sit here, I am 35 years old. I have £38.08 to my name. My situation with regards to income is directly related to my situation regarding work AGAIN. But as we have spoken about previously that is not the whole story, as my situation regarding work is directly related to my health and wellbeing.
One final thing to say about 2017… It was such an odd year in many many ways, not least of them (for me) being that 2017 never looked right, or sounded right. 2018 has a much rounder ring to it, it’s easier to write and easier to say. Let’s hope it brings with it rounder and easier times. I think the World and I could do with that. To all of my friends who have supported me throughout my trials this year.. Thank you all so much, I can’t put into words what your friendship means to me. It simply is the difference sometimes and definately part of how I am still here. Have a Merry New Year!